You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
