Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
