A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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