Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
