And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
