I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
