love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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