the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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