You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
