Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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