Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Come see our sink grown plant.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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