My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
