my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
