I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
