I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
