You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
