So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
