How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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