you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You ruined the universe
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