mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
