i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
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