There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
