Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Randomize
