glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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