Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
