I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
