I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
