Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
