i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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