Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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