my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Less talking, more tequila
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
