i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
