You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I am puke
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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