I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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