Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
