69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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