he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
