Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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