it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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