I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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