I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
