So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
