so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
