Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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