i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
and she was petting her beer can
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
