Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
