Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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