Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
