You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
