Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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