Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
