we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
