Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
You made out with two different species that night
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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