"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
