I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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