its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
