Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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