I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
