ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
