I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
where are my eyebrows?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
