Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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