Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
