Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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